Chris' Original Blogbeque

A fresh, vinegar-based examination of life

Scientific Progress Goes Boink

[Moe has been bullying Calvin…]
C: I don’t understand it, Hobbes. What makes some people so greedy and mean?

Why is it that some people don’t care what’s wrong and right? Why don’t people try to be nice to each other?

H: The problem with people is that they’re only human.
C: Well, you’re lucky you don’t have to be one.

C: You know, sometimes the world seems like a pretty mean place.
H: That’s why animals are so soft and huggy.

C (hugging Hobbes): …Yeah…

Dad is making up an explanation for old photos being black and white…
C: The world is a complicated place, Hobbes.
H: Whenever it seems that way, I take a nap in a tree and wait for dinner.

Calvin wants Susie to do research for him for a school project
H: How’d it go?
C: I really loathe girls.

C: I’ve been thinking, Hobbes.

H: On a weekend?
C: Well it wasn’t on purpose…

I believe history is a force.

Its unalterable tide sweeps all people and institutions along its unrelenting path. Everything and everyone serves history’s single purpose.

H: And what is that purpose?
C: Why, to produce me, of course! I’m the end result of history.

H: You?
C: Think of it! Thousands of generations lived and died to produce my exact, specific parents, whose reason for being, obviously, was to produce me…

C: I was reading about how countless species are being pushed toward extinction by man’s destruction of forests.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

C: I wonder why man was put on earth. What’s our purpose? Why are we here?

H: Tiger food.

H: Want to go play outside?

C: No, it’s too much trouble. First I’ have to get up. Then I’d have to put on a coat. Then I’d have to find my hat and put it on. (sigh) Then we’d run around and I’d get tired, and when we came in I’d have to take all that stuff off. No way.

H: So what are you going to do instead?
C: I’m just going to sit here and wait for a good tv show to come on.

H: I’ll tell your mom to turn you toward the light and water you periodically.
C: Instead of making smart remakrs, you could get me the remote contgrol.

Mom: What are you doing still in bed?! I’ve called youthree times! You’re going to miss the bus!

C: That’s the idea. I’m staying in bed until Christmas. I want tons of loot this year, and I figure my chjances of being good improve greatly if I don’t get up.

M: disobeying your mother and missing the bus isn’t good. It’s bad.

C: That darn Santa has got me every way I turn.

C: Want to help me write a book?
H: Sure. What’s it about?

C: Well, yuou know what historical fiction is? This is sort of like that. I’m writing a fictyional autobiography.

It’s the story of my life, but with a lot of parts completely made up.
H: Why would yuou make up your own life?

C: Because in my book I have a flame thrower!

A really neat poem titled “Christmas Eve”

H: A new decade is coming up.
C: Yeah, big deal! Hmph.

Where are the flying cars? Where are the moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the zero gravity boots, huh? You call this a new decade?! You call this the future?? HA!

Where are the rockert packs? Where are the disintergration rays? Where are the floating cities?

H: Frankly, I’m not sure people have the brains to manage the technology they’ve got.
C: I mean, look at this! We still have weather?! Give me a break!

Calvin has transformed his transmogrifier into a duplicator.
C: Ok Hobbes, press the button and duplicate me.
H: Are you sure this is such a good idea?

C: Brother! You doubting Thomases get in the way of more scientific advances with you stupid ethical questions! This is a brilliant idea! Hit the button, will ya?

H: I’d hate to be accused of inhibiting scientific progress… here you go.

Scientific progress goes “BOINK”?
C: It worked! It worked! I’m a genius!
(No you’re not, you liliar! I invented this!)

C & H warm themselves by the fire, get too hot, cool off in the snow, then run back to the fire…
C: If there’s more to life than this, I don’t know what

At recess, calvin is only boy who did not sign up to play baseball- later he’s teased and decides to sign up
S: Why didn’t you sign up to play baseball, like the rest of the boys? Don’t you like sports?
C: I dunno. I’d just rather run around.

I hates all the rules and organization and teams and ranks in sports.

Somebody’s always yelling at you, telling you where to be, what to do, and when to do it.

I figure when I want that, I’ll join the army and at least get paid

D: I hear you signed up to play softball at recess.
C: Yeah, but I didn’t even want to. I just did it to stop getting teased.

D: Well, sports are good for you. They teach teamwork and cooperation. You learn how to win graciously and accept defeat. It builds character.

C: Every time I’ve built character, I’ve regretted it. I don’t want to learn teamwork! I don’t want to learn about winning and losing! Heck, I don’t even want to compete! What’s wrong with just having fun by yourself, huh?!

D: When you grow up, it’s not allowed.
C: All the more reason I should do it now!

C: You’re lucky that girls don’t have to put up with this nonsense. If a girl doesn’t want to play sports, that’s fine!

But if a guy doesn’t spend his afternoons chasing some stupid ball, he’s called a wimp! You girls have it easy!

S: On the other hand, boys aren’t expected to spend their lives 20 pounds underweight.
C: And if you don’t play sports, you don’t get to make beer commercials!t

Calvin’s dad is reading him a bedtime story, about C&H. he describes their day and how they disturbed him…
D: At last Calvin and Hobbes went outside, and it was nice and quiet in the house again. At least for awhile. Well, good night!
C: Good night?! That’s not the end! You didn’t even get us to lunchtime!

D: That’s right…it’s not the end of the story. This story doesn’t have an end. You and Hobbes will write more of it tomorrow and every day after. But now it’s time to sleep, so good night.
C: Oh! OK, good night.

C: This is a good story about us if it doesn’t end! That’s the kind of story I like best! Good night, ol’ buddy!
H: Me too! See you tomorrow!

C: Hey Dad, would you pay me a dollar to eat a bug?

D: No, you’d have to eat a bucket of bugs before I’d pay you a dollar.

C: A whole bucket?
D: Or I’d pay you a dollar to pick up sticks in the back yard.

C: All my real skills are undervalued (as he picks up sticks).

The “I’m very sorry” song

C: My life could be a lot better than it is.
I’m happy, but it’s not like I’m ecstatic.
Life is like topography, Hobbes. There are summits of happiness and success…
…flat stretches of boring routine…
…and valleys of frustration and failure.
But I’m dedicating myself to experiencing only peaks! I want my life to be one never ending ascension!
Each minute of every day should bring me greater joy than theh previous minute!
I should always be saying, “My life is better than I ever imagined it would be, and it’s only going to improve.”


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