Chris' Original Blogbeque

A fresh, vinegar-based examination of life

Calvin & Hobbes

C: Do you believe in fate?

H: You mean, that our lives are predestined?

C: Yeah… that the things we do are inevitable.

H: What a scary thought!

C: You can’t come up here, Susie! No girls allowed.

S: What on earth makes you think I’d want to sit in a stupid tree in the first place?!?

C: Leave it to a girl to take all the fun out of sex discrimination.

C: Did you watch the movie on TV last night?
H: Nope.

C: Did you watch the game then?
H: Nope.

C: Did you watch any TV last night?
H: Nope.

C: Then what did you watch?

C: I wonder where we go when we die.

H: Pittsburgh?

C: You mean if we’re good or if we’re bad?

P22 (see S.P.G.B p9)
It’s Christmas, they’ve gotten up at midnight to catch Santa.
C: Uh, Hobbes?… I forgot to get you a present. I didn’t even make you a card…

I’m sorry, Hobbes. I didn’t mean to forget.
H: It’s okay, little buddy. I didn’t get you anything either.

But here’s a tiger hug for being my best friend.

C: Not so hard, you big sissy. You squeeze my tears out.
H: Merry Christmas.

C: Dad, how come you live in this house with Mom…

..instead of in an apartment with several scantily clad female roommates?

Boy! Ask a simple question, and get all your television privileges revoked.

C: Hobbes, what do you think happens to us when we die?

H: I think we play saxophone for an all-girl cabaret in New Orleans.

C: So you believe in Heaven?
H: Call it what you like.

C: It says here that “Religion is the opiate of the masses.”… What do you suppose that means?

(television): means Karl Marx hadn’t seen anything yet.
(now C is watching tv)
H: What are you watching?

C: Garbage. This show would insult a 6-year-old! And I should know.

H: So why watch it?
C: All the other shows are even worse!

H: Why watch tv at all then?
C: There’s nothing to do.

H: NOTHING TO DO?! You could read a book! Or write a letter! Or take a walk!

When you’re old, you’ll wish you had more than memories of this tripe to look back on.
C: Undoubtedly
(they sit down together and watch tv)

C: Do you believe our destinies are controlled by the stars?

H: No, I think we can do whatever we want with our lives.

C: Not to hear Mom and Dad tell it.

(as they sled down a hill, dangerously)
C: I have a question.

Do you believe in life after death?

You know, reincarnation?

H: You just steer, okay? (covering eyes)

Dad: Calvin, your mother and I have decided to give you an allowance.

It’s important that one learns the value of money.

C: MONEY! Ha Ha Ha! I’m rich! I’m rich! I can buy off anyone! The world is mine!

Power! Friends! Prestige!! —
D: I blew it again, Dear!
— I can buy it all! I’m free! Ha Ha Ha Ha!

C: Too bad the world will be ending soon.
H: Beg your pardon?

C: Halley’s Comet. Comets are harbingers of doom.

H: No, they aren’t. That’s just superstition.
C: Really??

Guess I’d better write that book report.

H: How come we play war and not peace?

C: Too few role models.

I’ll be the fearless American defender of liberty and democracy..

…and you can be the loathsome godless Communist oppressor.

We’re at war, so if you get hit with a dart, you’re dead and the other side wins, ok?
H: Gotcha.

C: GO!
(they both shoot each other at the same time)

C: Kind of a stupid game, isn’t it?

C: Somewhere in communist Russia I’ll bet there’s a little boy who has never known anything but censorship and oppression.

But maybe he’s heard about America, and he dreams of living in this land of freedom and opportunity!

Someday, I’d like to meet that little boy…

…and tell him the awful TRUTH about this place!!
D: Calvin, be quiet and eat the stupid lima beans.

H: Do you think there’s a God?

C: Well somebody’s out to get me.

H: You know what I like about summer days?

They’re just made for doing things.

…even if it’s nothing
C: Especially if it’s nothing.


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